im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
