I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
