I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
