He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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