I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
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Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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