I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
