bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
