Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
