Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
