how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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