i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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