So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
