He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
