Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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