Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You made out with two different species that night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
