saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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