does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
