Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
