Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
