wanna go halves on a baby?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and she was petting her beer can
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
