Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
