btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
