Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
