Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
third nipple confirmed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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