This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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