I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
