and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
