Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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