Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
