hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
