his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
