xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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