There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
