READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
