I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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