I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
