just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
time to smoke my breakfast
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
