She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I see more hoeing in ur future
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