True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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