I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
