i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
