What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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