so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
im on a boat
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