girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
