everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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