It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
