I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
