wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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