I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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