He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
