This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
