You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
