I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
