Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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