I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
