I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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