he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
