Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
