just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
