And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
