Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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