So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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