I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
