i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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