perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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